A Bit of Obligatory Internet Soul-Baring

“I know these will all be stories someday, and our pictures will become old photographs…But right now, these moments are not stories…We are infinite.”

– The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Which, by the way, I just finished, and it hit me right smack in the feels. 

You see, this year I had to go without what looks to be my last reunion with some very old friends, who have been with me since I was 11 and really helped me grow as a person and come out of my shell. It took quite a chunk out of me, more than I expected it too. 

I was one of those people. The ‘spaz’. The ‘weirdo’. ‘Four Eyes’. When you’re a kid, names that run off you like water punch straight through. When you’re six, you’re just learning to sketch out a rudimentary definition of yourself. “I like this, I don’t like that.”f I wound up as the girl with glasses in the corner reading the book that’s way too thick for someone her age. I had consigned myself to the human scrap heap; “I’m the only one, no one understands what’s going on in my head.”

I’ll admit, I am arrogant. It comes of being the only one with any scrap of higher intellectual ability in my general area and therefore spending almost all my time in my own company and talking to myself a lot. With no one to debate with or tell me I was wrong, I therefore assumed that my logic was always sound and I was always right. The problem was, at least at school, I generally was. You can imagine how popular that made me, both at school and at home. 

When I got to this place though, everything changed. Everyone was finally on the same level. Mind you, we may be a bunch of insanely smart teenagers and preteens, but you wouldn’t know it from just a surface look. We came up with a term: “jifted”. Nobody’s really sure where that term came from, all we know is that it illustrated what we all knew to be true: gifted kids have no space in their heads for common sense. 

Last year was one of the best: all the evenings of ratscrew, chess (which I was absolutely creamed at), ninja, and Evan’s ohmygodwhyishesogood back rubs, plus the fact that the yearly drama somehow skipped the CITs that year, made it almost perfect. There were some hiccups, but I shan’t go into those. We made some mistakes, which is why I suspect myself and my best friend were not allowed back this year. 

Honestly? I miss everybody. And knowing that I can never go back, that I’ve aged out, makes me very afraid for the future. These people taught me how to live, how to be who I was. Yunasa was home. 

So yes, for that short time, we were infinite. We were wonderful and perfect and the world stood still for a while. But now it’s time to grow up, to drift apart. And I wonder, will we ever see each other’s sparks again?

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